sponsor a dog

***

AND SUPPORT

 

 

 

 

 

...My mother taught me

 

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL  DONE.

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. 

I just finished cleaning."

 

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

 

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. 

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you

Into the middle of  next week!"

 

4. My mother taught me  LOGIC.

" Because I said so, that's why."

 

5.  My mother taught me MORE  LOGIC.

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, 

You're not going to the store with me."

 

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 

"Make sure you wear clean underwear,

In case you're in an accident." 

 

7. My mother taught me  IRONY.

"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

 

8. My mother taught me  about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

 

9. My mother taught me  about CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

 

10. My mother  taught me about STAMINA.

"You'll sit there until all that  spinach is gone."

 

11. My mother  taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

 

12. My  mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times.

Don't exaggerate!"

 

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

 

14.  My mother taught me about  ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world

Who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

 

15. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. 

"Just wait until we get home."

 

16. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. 

"You are going to get it when you get home!"

 

17. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. 

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going

To get stuck that  way."

 

18. My mother taught me  ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think

I know when  you are cold?"

 

19. My mother  taught me HUMOUR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, 

Don't come running to me."

 

20. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN  ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables,

You'll never  grow up."

 

21. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. 

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think

You were born in a barn?" 

 

22. My mother taught me  WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

 

23. And my favourite:   My mother taught me about  JUSTICE.

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope

They turn  out just like you."