Over the Bar

As is our custom, The Lads were propping up the bar in the Club the other Wednesday night,

quaffing a few -and putting the World to rights,

...when Harry arrived, unusually late.

“Sorry Lads”, he said. “I know I’m late but it’s the wife, going on at me because of the Valentine’s card I sent her, saying “Roses are red, Violets are bnlue, sugar is sweet and so are you”.

“What was wrong with that?” asked Tom.

“It sounds good”.

“Yes” replied Harry, “But underneath for a joke I wrote “The Roses are wilting, the Violets dead, the sugar bowl’s empty and so is your head” !!!

“Naturally, being a woman, she decided to take it seriously and took the huff and hasn’t’ let go yet. Evlrything I do is wrong. For instance she knew tonight is Wednesday – Club night – but she claimed I had promised to take her to te cinema. As if”.

Yes” said Bill. “It’s always the same. They say that marriage is when a man and a woman become one; the problem is which one”!

“Aye”, Ron agreed. “They say marriages are made in Heaven, but so is thunder and lightening!”

Jim got the next round in and said “I read somewhere that every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical and good at cooking. But unfortunately the law only allows one woman at a time.”

“True” said Alex “But have you noticed that time waits for no man, but when a woman reaches fifty, time stands still”.

I had said nothing so far, I had recently bought a new car and my mother-in-law said she would like to take it for a spin. I’ve been wondering about letting her take it up on the coastal road in the hope that the old Bat would reverse it over cliff. But that would be ashame and spoil a good car.

Harry said “They say a man is incomplete until he finds himself a wife. I reckon when he does, he’s completely finished”!

“I saw a terrible thing in our street yesterday” said Tom; “There was this young man opening the car door for his wife. It made my blood run cold until I remembered they had only been married a month. So that performance won’t last long”.

“What I’d like to know” said Jim “Do any of you ever have conversations with your wives?”

“It’s very difficult in my house” said Alex; “I never get chance to stop and think - and my missus never stops TO think”.

At this time, Sarah the barmaid said “That’s your lot, have you no homes to go to?”

We all looked at each other and shuddered.

As we left we all remembered we had promised to get a take-away on the way home.

“Good night Lads” we all said -

“See you next Wednesday” . . .