Valentine Girl
Yes! As you can see, I got myself dolled up a bit for Valentines
Day.
Out went the spectacles, and in came the new-fangled contacts
(purple tinted ones), and false eyelashes both available from the
Google-eye website I regularly use. The beads and earrings were
from jewels accessories of Hull, and the flower from a reputable
garden centre locally.
The Kiss’y lips were all my own.
I
was on the ‘PULL’ so to speak and went to a good local nightclub
‘Grab a Doggie’ hoping to find true love.
I
mean to say what Dog would be able to resist?
Well I perhaps under-did it a bit, because all the other girls were
naked. Not a bead or an earring in sight. I wouldn’t stoop to that
low level though; a girl has her dignity to consider.
So I sat in the corner, all alone and nobody asked me to dance!
I
didn’t want to cry, but I felt like it.
It was terrible and I felt like a spare part.
After 2-hours I had had enough, I could stand no more.
So I phoned my Mum.
She was clearly upset, all the trouble we had gone to getting me
ready.
She came to pick me up in the car and took me home to the safety and
love of our house. Off came all the paraphernalia. I was back to
being plain old me again.
The humans said how much they loved me, and how beautiful they
thought I was, and suddenly all the upset of the evening’s earlier
experience vanished. I was happy again.
Who needs a Valentine anyway????????
Next year however if any of you out there want to put me in your
little black book . . .
Never say never eh!
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YOU
ASK – O’ WISE ONE ANSWERS
"Dear Dog Dilemma, My kind owner lovingly places a pink sparkly
diamond collar around my neck at walkies time saying 'These are
Dolly's Dazzling Diamonds' - But I am a boy. Should I tell her,
even though I've had the job done? Please help. Butch."
Oh Dear Butch, what a terrible dilemma.
Your owner is clearly crackers.
Yes Butch I think you must tell her.
If
I were you I would pick a big muddy cowpat patch and roll over and
over in it, with emphasis on getting the silly collar thoroughly
coated in the gunk!
I
imagine upon your return home it will be a rather distasteful task
for your owner to clean this diamante collar. Keep it up and do the
rolling every walkie and eventually I bet they buy you a new smooth
standard collar – I hope! Lets hope it is in a dark colour too.
One good thing Butch, at least your owner
does love you and take you out for walkies regular. Some dogs would
give anything – even wearing this ridiculous collar for that. So if
the rolling in the cowpat advice doesn’t do the trick, don’t be too
hard on your owner. Just be grateful she actually cares.
Put
your nose in the air, and with a dignified grin say
“Stuff you”! to anyone, that dares to comment. |
Tail Tales
I have had cause to give
some thought to my tail recently. I am wondering what use it has???
I have been looking at
some others too, little stubby things (my mum says they have been
cut off – yikes how terrible!), and great long fluffy things Caked
in mud (and other things too!), Slim ones, fat ones, and baldish
ones.
I made a comparison chart up in Excel and the results were rubbish.
I studied 100 tails, but struggled to find two alike. So I ended up
with 100 differences and nothing conclusive to report on tails.
So I added an actions
column, and also a normal posture column. Now I did see
similarities.
All the tails (in the
actions column) wagged side to side and none wagged up and down.
Yet in the posture column it was 50/50 that carried their tails
upright as opposed to hanging down.
Dogs that carried the
tail up were more confident and slightly arrogant, and extroverts -
whereas I noticed the ones that carried them down were shy, slightly
nervous and a bit introvert. All 100% showed the side-to-side
movement meant they were happy.
However when threatened
each of the standard postures seems to be reversed. So if you get
to know your mates and look at their tails, you might notice the
standard upright posture is dropped when considering an attack and
the standard down tail is stuck out straight when considering an
attack.
When happy, all tail
postures (even stubby cut off ones) seem to go from side to side.
Now that got me thinking!
I
am very interested in the environment and want to be as GREEN as is
possible. If Humans took on and loved more Dogs more they would wag
their tails more from side-to-side, thus creating a draught. This
draught could perhaps be utilised into
creating some natural energy.
I think it might take
about ten wagging tails to create enough power to run a light bulb.
So who would benefit?
Of course the Humans
would benefit (as usual) they would have the pleasure of making ten
dogs wag their tails constantly. This would simply mean they had to
treat the ten dogs correctly to make them happy (easy stuff). If
they tickled them under the front armpits 24/7 they could have free
lighting forever.
o all we need to do now
is to convince the Humans to do this, but they are a bit lazy and
might say no!
So I got onto Powergen
last week. They said they had in fact used a dog in their advert on
TV to try to promote tail wagging energy alongside wind-turbines.
This is at least a start. Some dog rescue homes have already adopted
this free lighting technique and have been found to be employing the
services of volunteer ticklers.
If you have any spare
time perhaps you might consider volunteering at a dog-rescue home to
help to save the planet?????????????????????????????????????????????
& the dogs.
WOW
– what an achievement that would be. |
THE HOLE STOREY
It was we, the
adventurer discoverers that discovered the hole first. Others are
now claiming they were the 1st, but this is not true. We
found it on our walkie on the 18th Feb, whereas the
others only found it on the 19th – the rotten cheats!
It was exposed and looked used; I was
attracted but only to have a sniff around, not to try to eat the
inhabitants. It is interesting to try to find out who lives there
in this multi storey apartment of underground tunnel
systems?????????????? What a pad this is!
Somebody is living wild (so to speak) digging
holes into the bowels of the earth – and on my patch too. How dare
they? Without any planning permission, they decide, here looks a
good place, we will build our home right here, and they do just
that!
Well I must say - if they are up to no good,
and going against the law I need to keep a close eye on them.
Better the Devil I know - eh!
But the little blighters will not
come out in the daytime, and my Mum will not take me out in the
dark. So I am trying my best to find out who lives there without
actually ever meeting them.
There was no poo around the place, so no clue
there.
The entrance was smooth, perhaps a badger
then? Seemed a bit big for a Rabbit. But what about a Hare? I had
a look around and I found no signs of Hair, so I can only guess it
was not one of them. Or was it a Foxy lady (someone after my own
heart)?
The whole storey will be revealed if I am able
to find any more evidence. You never know it could be a meteorite
crater?
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Well Angus, I have not heard that one, but I do know that they eat
dogs in some countries far away. No wonder your eyes are popping
out, and you are howling a sorrowful song. I mean to say there is a
nice bit of meat on you by the looks of it isn’t there! You would
make into a good few burgers wouldn’t you?
I might have suggested you misheard the TV ad, and perhaps they said
A-Nice Burger??? But with those big ears of yours I think your
hearing will be fine.
If I was you I’d be very wary and consecrated too (or is it
concerned I mean ??).
Anyway you do have a good set of legs, so run fast if you see the
mincer coming out, the knives being sharpened or smell a fire being
lit.
Now on to the other matters, I see in the photo you have a very
nice toggle hanging there. I like that toggle of yours Angus (or
may I call you Gus?) – you mind they don’t cut it off. I have
always been attracted to Dogs with nice toggles regardless of
whether they have their nads on or off! I think I will put a photo
of you by my bedside you gorgeous creature. And do you know, I
think your collar and my spectacles will match nicely.
I just wish you had been at that Valentine party I went to. Oooh, I
have gone all funny now thinking about what might have been.
Just out of interest – did they cut off your waggy tail with your
nads? You might be interested in my Tail Tales section above?????
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This ‘n’
That
Eileen Blenkinsop (known to her friends as Bobbie) lived to the age
of 90. She died in 2003, and is buried in Ellerker churchyard.
Bobbie loved
all dogs, and throughout her life she had many, often two or more at
once. She remembered every one of them and was able to tell
fascinating tales about their antics.
She told of how hard it was
during the war because of food shortages, and how her dogs at that
time had to survive on potatoes. Those dogs did not live long
lives, and this saddened her greatly. Bobbie eventually learned how
to poach for pheasants, and would cook these birds for herself and
her dogs to share. The tactic to poach the pheasants was very
interesting; raisins were soaked in alcohol and then laid outside on
the front path. The birds came to eat them and were soon drunk.
Bobbie could then walk right up to them and pick them up easily and
wring their necks (Yikes, how awful).
I never met Bobbie because she was dead before I was born. My Mum
has told me about what a lovely person she was and how much she
loved dogs. My Mum’s last dog Sandy knew Bobbie well and she
visited this grave with my Mum up to her death. Now I go with Mum
and we put a few flowers there (this time we put Heather in the
vase) and Mum cleans the green moss off the headstone. I lie good
as gold near Bobbie’s feet and wish I had been able to meet her.
My Mum hopes Bobbie is in Heaven looking after Sandy for her.
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